Spotted: Sluts in Birmingham

Webpages such as 'Spotted: Sluts in Birmingham' whose aim is to 'Name and shame sluts in Birmingham!' have recently come to my attention. The page's picture is of a topless woman posed suggestively holding her breasts towards the camera. The caption: 'I'm not saying that you're a slut, but your vagina has been used more than Google'. This implies the woman is a slut as she has been 'used'. As this is the first thing you see on the page it promotes the notion that if someone is promiscuous they are a slut.  The page actively encourages the audience of the page to 'Name and shame sluts', to attach that label to someone they know. The subjects of the text seem to be primarily women, but men have been mentioned too. 

The naming and shaming aspect typically contain the subject's full name- often the subject is tagged into the post by a third party who knows the person. The insults are typically focused on weight and promiscuity: 'the biggest ride in Brum Town', a 'heffa', who 'shags anythink', 'anything for £30'. 

The comments aggravate the issue by victimising the subject of the post further. There are posts from users that imply they want to interact with the victim because of her 'slut' status as well as condemning comments that reinforce a level of disgust towards the victim. 

Additionally the women are often associated with being 'dirty', 'fat', or a 'slag'. These derogatory comments are hurtful, suggesting that promiscuous women are unclean and not desirable. Interestingly, a large proportion of the comments so far that include these words are from other women. 

It angers me that someone has set up this page to issue personal attacks from the cowardly anonymous. When did it become acceptable to label people, and so maliciously in a public forum. By using this type of forum it allows users to 'like' comments and to 'share' posts onto a friend's or their own page. This widens the circulation of the webpage. Additionally the 'like' button is an easy way to agree with something quickly, adding weight to the original comment. By doing this it gives the comment strength in the public forum, allowing people to see that many people agree with it. 

The page has accumulated over 2500 'likes' since it was set up yesterday. The audience of the page will everyday see names appearing on their news feeds informing them of new 'slags' that have been 'named and shamed'. The posts are more than likely to be fabricated and they are offensive, not only to the individual that has been named, but to anyone who knows that person. Family members and friends could end up reading these hurtful posts. This is not the only webpage like this, other similar pages are available and new ones are being made daily. I just hope that there are individuals out there who believe the same as me; that this type of public displays of victimisation should end. 

What frustrates me the most is the association with promiscuous sex to being a slut. Someone's sexual promiscuity should not be deemed correct or incorrect by society. Whatever feels right for the individual is right, they shouldn't have to be told by society and judged by it.  

Life after Uni

It is very true what they say about the chapters of your life. I always thought that the transition from university to work would be easy, after all I have just spent three years working hard, and playing harder. But alas, absolutely not. No-one gives a crap that you have been to uni, that scrap of paper, your certificate is worthless. The second I walked across that stage and shook that man's hand that was it. I was a stereotype, a statistic;  unemployed graduate with debt.

This gave me little option but to move back home. Moving back with my parents has on the whole been a nice experience for me. I have an entirely different relationship with my mum than I had before I left or during uni. We get on, and that is fantastic. My Dad treats me like an adult, listens to what I've done at work and gives me helpful advice- this is what he knows. I don't always cook for myself anymore, and yes my mum does my washing for me (thank you Mum!). But I miss the student life- the freedom, the communal  atmosphere, the feeling that you could do anything. The world was our oyster and our overdrafts the funding for it.

But now, you are a graduate. An adult. Time to get a 'proper' job, and do the things we 'should' do. Being an unemployed graduate is hard in this current economic climate. Well, being unemployed is hard! I have always had a part time job since I was 16, but the move home had ended that. Throughout school they try to prep you, questions fired at you about your 'plans for the future' but at uni they leave you to it. Typically it is your peers, parents and family friends that become the quiz masters. Personally, and it's not that I am goalless, but I have never had a career in mind. I continued my education to uni to do English Lit because I enjoyed it. It is that simple. I wanted to. So when it came to finding a job that wasn't serving tables or pulling pints I was stumped.

This led to agency work, temping. I was lucky, after moving home in July 2012 I had two weeks of aimlessness/boredom and then I had a job. I worked in several places over summer before stumbling into my current full time role after seeing an internal email at the company I was temping at. After a job application and interview I realised I had done what I 'needed' to do. A full time 'adult' job was mine. I had enjoyed temping, it's new faces, tasks and challenges every week but this was the security I craved in all honesty. I now knew how much I was actually going to earn that month!

Being the 'new girl' is hard but starting at the bottom is exhausting. I can't breeze in one week and be gone for the next like I did in temping. You see things that you didn't whilst temping, like office politics. It shocks me how the contrast between the easy-going 'everyone gets on with everyone' attitude that there is at uni to inside the office is so vast. But I won't go into that. The graduation glow quickly washes off in this 'real world', people don't care if you have a degree, that your life changed in those 3/4/5+ years. That moving home feels like a big deal to you and you are trying to cope. That chapter of you is closed, it is about the here and now, which I believe is right- after all, you are there to do your job, not to sit around and pat each other on the back. There seems to be a line that you cross in obtaining this 'adult' life where you may have to push yourself to accept this new role and shake off that one of student. It's all about acknowledging that life moves forward and you are there to not only develop yourself but try to bring your skills and attitude to that workplace. I like my job, I like the majority of people that I work with. I am interested in my role, which I think is the most important thing. I enjoy all the challenges that I am faced with everyday. I aspire to work hard, to be fantastic at my job and to achieve promotions.

It has been hard trying to drop the protective cocoon of education and what came with it (namely for me, a fantastic supportive network inside and outside of uni/work) to start anew, to become this 'adult'. I think many of us whilst at university believed that after coming out of uni everyone would want us because of our degrees. We became expectant that life would give us a shortcut because of this. But they don't and they won't.  However, it is not about forgetting what you have learnt but rather to utilise it in a new environment. So no-one may care in the office whether you have a degree or not, but then what does it matter if you can type so damn fast, organise things efficiently and multi-task like no other and get all your work done to the highest standard, communicate well orally and in writing as well as other skills so well.

This chapter of my life may be challenging and entering the workplace towards the bottom of the heap will be rough- but doing everything to the best of my ability using what I know will aid me. Others may not even acknowledge it, especially as I expand on my CV in the future but my degree was an accomplishment and I am very proud of myself for it. It has given me the skill set I need for the workplace, and in a way it has presented me with the opportunity to prove myself and to justify that I deserve to be in a position of greater responsibility and take on other challenges in the future by working hard now. Yes I miss living with my friends and the university lifestyle, especially as many of them are still living it- but this is what I want to do, and it is the right step for me. So here's to the new chapter.

I love Thought Catalog

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/ladies-need-sex-too/

Late Night Drive

Late night drive to my old house. The place I grew up. It makes me feel weaker. Everything seemed a little easier then, and smaller. They've put lace curtains up in my room. It doesn't suit it. The cherry tree is ripe. The familiar pulpy mess is scattered everywhere. I wonder if the raspberry and blackberry bushes are still in the back. I know they have cut the old oak down. I always go here when I don't feel right. It settles me, reminds me how far I've come.

'I wrote my name in your book,

only god knows why,

and I bet you that he cracked a smile,

and I'm clearing all the stuff out of my room,

trying desperately to figure out what it is that makes me blue,

and I wrote an epic letter to you,

but it's 22 pages front and back and it's too good to be used

and I tried to be a girl who likes to be used

I'm too good for that.

There's a mind under this hat,

and I called them all and told them i've got to move'

What a mug

The beginning of love

"The beginning of love is to let those
we love be perfectly themselves, and
not to twist them to fit our own image.
Otherwise we love only the reflection
of ourselves we find in them"

Thomas Merton
No Man is an Island