As this mental week draws to a close and my twenty-second birthday beckons I find myself reflecting on things.

Relationships

We have all had that new, fresh stage of a relationship- I'm not just limiting 'relationship' to a purely sexual term here. The nerves, and the silly worries. I have a friend who is constantly worried that she is being too clingy. Having had bad relationships with her flatmates before moving to Cardiff she restricted herself to a small group of people who she only saw at uni after the move. Until she finally shook herself, and took a chance and asked the right questions, namely will you be my friend?

I recently started a new job. I met a few people who I instantly desired to be my friends. Cool, funny, inclusive lads and lasses. So I outright asked one of the girls to be my chum- and now we have girly chats every morning about the 'husband hunting diet', ex's, fishing and whatever else crosses our mind in that instant. Today we decided to persuade Dave to put pen to paper and create a novel, 'Things that are frowned upon which shouldn't be'- like Bigamy...

My favourite bit of this honeymoon stage is finding out that new tid-bit of information that shatters an assumed idea. We all do it: we meet someone and instantly cast our eyes over their clothes, their shoes, their hair, the trustworthiness of their face, the scar on their hand. We create a sterotype for them to fall into from pictures in our minds that we have seen before. The second someone doesn't conform, we scald ourselves with the growing realisation that we judged them. We'll laugh, and learn and be surprised.

Yes, sometimes relationships don't work out how we wanted to, or thought they would. Friends grow apart or fall out, couples split up, and then occasionally something that you assumed would begin doesn't. I choose to see the silver lining in all of these situations. The bad bits will always be there, but I always remember the moments that made me happy and cherish them.     

Violence

I read the Metro on the way to work. Each day I read about the terrible shit that is happening throughout the world. Little April Jones going missing, the Manchester Police Officers' deaths, pictures of injured women, men and children from wars. It is heartbreaking.

Stories of sexual assault  murder, fighting.

It all gets a little bit too much sometimes. I know that some people might dislike me for it, but I am glad that I can close the paper and concentrate on my day and leave those horrific stories in the pages. I am not naive. I know I am not immune to it, and some may view this as a selfish act. But where would we be if the world mourned every day because of what was in the news.

A depressing, dark place.

Birthdays

So I have been on this planet for 22 years. Sometimes I wish I could rewind, and watch parts again. The good and the bad. All that I have seen in this short time- faces, places, countries- all the illnesses I've suffered- all the boys I have kissed, all the stupid mistakes I have made, all the right decisions I took. It would be interesting. This may seem like a lot of pretentious shit, but what got me thinking was a friend who asked me once, 'How many dogs do you think you have seen in your life-time?'

Anyway. For some reason I don't feel like celebrating much this year. I'm here. I feel like I should be somewhere else sometimes. Other times I feel unsure and distressed about the job situation/living at home. I am lucky in that I have a crack group of friends at home as well as in Cardiff and I know we will have a lovely time whatever we do. But for me, I don't want to celebrate another step closer to my death this year and panic about what I haven't done, but rather just enjoy the company of my friends.

Friends

Oh dear chums.

Lizzy: Pine. Kate: Meow. Joss: I wuv woo. Steff: Stop playing your drums I'm trying to read. Shem: Here a degu, there a degu.

I miss living in the chaotic den that was my house. But I love visiting.

Distance

I am always where I need to be. Where I want to be, is often another matter! Everytime I get my holiday Groupon email I am so tempted to book a week away somewhere! But now I am determined to get out of this overdraft and save. Saving for what, who knows at this point. Perhaps a flat? (If this is the case, it definitely won't be anytime soon!).