I loves them I do!

Do you ever think of me in the quiet, in the crowd?

Comin' Home

Cold hands, warm heart

In this weather I want to be sat in a comfy chair in front of a fire, with a brew and for tea a warm casserole.

Catch 22

Let me paint the picture for you.

I've graduated, I'm currently temping somewhere where I fit in, and I am really enjoying going to work (I could do with more hours and it being a little closer to home but that's me being picky). I'm on two companies books. The first company, from now on will be known as A, has got me my current position and various other positions.

Company B, has got me three days work in 2 months. A month ago they asked to put me forward for a full time job starting at the end of October, the location is difficult to get to and the job mundane. But me being the naive, poor graduate leapt at the opportunity. I heard no more until last week, they had an interview for me.

At this point, I start worrying, and feeling trapped. I don't want to do this, I'm doing it for other people. I said yes because I didn't want to let anyone down. This may seem dramatic but I start to feel helpless and a bit weepy- for those who don't know me this is what I was like for many years when I tried to learn Math.

The answer to my problem is simple, ring up and tell them you've changed your mind- get withdrawn from the interview.

But then I go in a circle of, if I do that I'm letting people down.

It took sensible words from my parents and my usually rational mind returning to realise A) This is not what I want to do and B)It doesn't fit my criteria at all.

So why am I worried. I have the power here. Just say no. So deep breath, phone call, answered company B's questions about why I didn't want to go, and then...done. Everything seems to silly now.

It's taken this wobble to conclude that these companies would be lucky to have me, I can afford to be picky (not financially, but I'm lucky in that my parent's are helping me out a lot at the moment). Why should I worry about these little things. From now on, it has to be right for me.

Dear Orange Vegtables

You make my food look and taste so much more exciting. Thank you :)

The Chain

This is a truly awesome song.

AND it's my Dad who I have to thank for introducing me to it many years ago.

My Dad always likes to 'educate' my brother and my myself in what he deems good music, and occasionally he's right. 

This song will always be put on at a normal level but at 3 minutes it gets turned up LOUD

Water

I feel like being near water today. 

I Will Remain

I love this song :)

Neglected, gathering dust

Everytime I look at the pile of books on my desk I feel a little guilty.

Sat neglected, gathering dust.

But I will get around to reading you I promise! I just keep getting distracted....
mainly by Game of Thrones!! I should have watched this at the same time as all of my housemates!

I see what I have been missing!
I may even attempt to read the books at some point. They have come highly recommended to me many-a-time.

At the moment I am trying to read all of the Poirot Agatha Christie books.

But Caitlin Moran's Moranthology, the 'new' Sherlock Holmes novel, a twisted version of Jane Eyre, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and various others keep creeping their way in! I need to focus!

Ghosts

Opened up his little heart

Unlocked the lock that kept it dark

Read a written warning saying 'I'm Still Mourning'

Oh the ghosts, oh the ghosts

Oh the ghosts that broke my heart before I met you. 

My Head Is An Animal

Wild, roaming free, can have a sharp bite.

Cunning, mysterious, lives in the shadows.

Comforting, friendly, loyal.

Whimsical, odd-looking, original.

Strong, warm, the leader.

Ill, thin, pray.

Interesting how one word creates many thoughts and sensations.


Darling, my head is an animal.

What are you thinking about?

What am I thinking? Nothing? Is that what I'm thinking. Well no, I can't be thinking of nothing, because I am thinking about thinking of nothing. I wonder what it would be like to simply be blank. No thoughts. Peaceful? or perhaps threatening?

If you think of nothing then surely you will just end up walking into roads after failing to register that you needed to stop at the sidewalk. Or you'd walk straight until you get to the point where you can no longer carry on and just repetitively stroll into a wall. Maybe you'd fall?

I wonder if someone would take pity on you, try to help you onto a treadmill so that you can pace in safety.

But then with all this walking you need nutrition. You need to take on board what your body is trying to tell you and process that information, bringing about the consequence that you decide to eat. I'd like to believe that once again, some kind stranger would assist you, and put you on a drip or something.

It's interesting that this person will always be a stranger to you. I wonder if you could feel emotions.

This world of thoughtlessness seems to be objectively scary and child-like. I don't like it.

How are you?

"Fine, Thank you."

Why did I say that. I am anything but fine. See the smile on my face that is not real, fake fake fake.

I want to cry. I am angry. You chatter on, ignorant. 

But that is the way I want it to be. I don't want you to be sympathetic, and I don't want your help right now. I want to be alone, wallowing in the un-fineness that I feel. 

This dark cloud casts a shadow inside me. I can feel it moving closer, lightening cracking in the sky. 

My mask slips the second you leave. 

I don't need to pretend anymore. 

Goodbye England (All covered in snow)

You were so smart then,
in your jacket and coat.
My softest red scarf was warming your throat.
Winter was on us, 
at the end my nose,
and I'll never love England more than when covered in snow.

But a friend of mine says it good to hear, 
that you believe in love even if set in fear.
Well I'll hold you there brother and set you straight 
I don't really believe true love is frail and willing to break.

I will come back here, bring me back when I'm old.
I want to lay here forever in the cold.
I might be cold but I'm just skin and bones,
and I'll never love England more than when covered in snow.

I wrote my name in your book,
only God knows why,
and I bet you that he cracked a smile.
And I'm clearing all the crap out of my room,
trying desperately to figure out what it is that makes me blue,
and I wrote in a big letter to you,
and it's 22 pages front and back but it's too good to be used.
And I tried to be a girl who likes to be used,
I'm too good for that, there's a mind under this hat.
And I called them all and told them I've got to move

And I'm out on my own,
It's too hard
I'm out on my own
It's too hard

Feel like running, 
feel like running, 
running off.

And we will keep you,
we will keep you little one,
safe from harm, 
like an extra arm you are a part of us.

You were so smart then,
in your jacket and coat.
My softest red scarf was warming your throat.

Winter will leave us, 
left the end of my nose.
Well goodbye old England until next years snow.

~

I can't stop listening to this beautiful song. 

Winter Winds

It's getting harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning....

Little Hell

'What if I can't be all that you need me to be?'

Places I've been and things I've seen

Why living at home is awesome

Men at Work- Good one Dad lol 

I want christmas 2007 again please.

Feel the love

Bye Rich!

See you in a year!







Pics by EJP and me :D

My Friends- Laura Marling

Keep you head up

Love this song and this video :D

Mountains

Show me how to live

Listening to Audioslave, fighting illness and drinking tea.

On the tea note, found where Dad keeps the tea pot so I'm back to drinking the properly brewed stuff! :D

Love

'Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.'

- Neil Gaiman, The Sandman #64. 

'So, miss me. Send me love and light every time you think of me... Then drop it. It won't last forever. Nothing does.'

- Liz Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

http://thomasstewart08.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/love-by-tim-burton-others.html 

Ring

I'll wander the streets avoiding them eats

Til' the ring on my finger slips to the ground

A gift to the gutter, a gift to the city

The veins of which have broken me down.

I snatched it from it's resting place, amongst the snow. It was bloody and bright with rubies and gold. 

Queen Of Pain

 

Get me away from here

Get me away from here 

I'm dying

A few facts about me

I am not the same person I was three years ago.

I have different friends, attitudes and opinions. I am more confident, independent, knowledgeable.

I am still naive- sometimes this gets me hurt.

I try to see the best in everyone and in situations.

I always want to try new things, I want to meet more people.

I can be impatient.

I have my 'blonde' moments.

I like to have a plan.

When I'm in a bad mood I'm horrible.

It makes me feel sick when food is all the same texture- like Jelly.

I will respect you more if you're open and honest with me.

Babe

Freshers

Dear Freshers

I hope you have the best time at uni. I know I did.